Photo Credit: herrolm
Three years ago, I was a senior software engineer at Yahoo with a six-figure salary and premium benefits. I was a technical leader and respected by my peers. It was everything I had dreamed of when I was in college.
And yet, after 8+ years of a career that I was good at and that came easily to me, I felt like I was in the wrong place… like I was driving in circles. So I slowed down and turned my blinkers on. I gave 2-months notice to my manager. I had a heart-to-heart with his manager (my director). And then I went home and celebrated. I could see the exit sign; I was almost there.
A week later, the director of my group called me into a meeting with our senior vice president. Uh oh. What had I done wrong?
Turns out nothing. What I had done was trigger the golden handcuffs. I listened as she offered me the world: make me a manager, a stock bonus that equaled my annual salary that I would get if I stayed another 18 months, and the many possibilities the future held. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse. Or was it?
I pondered that question for a couple of weeks weighing my freedom and the wild open spaces against the potential glory and money. I was intrigued. I had never managed my own team. There was still a voice saying “just leave”, but instead I listened to the one that said: Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay…
My foot moved from the brake to the gas pedal, and I missed my exit. I stayed another 14 months, just shy of the “golden handcuff” stock bonus that by that time had lost 2/3 of its original value. During those months, I worked nonstop. There was a multimillion dollar contract riding on my team’s on-time delivery of one project and as a newbie manager, I was under the gun. Nevermind that the project requirements were late and incomplete when we got them, and nevermind that we had at least 5 other “high priority” projects that needed to get done at the same time. I mean, that’s normal, right?
I drove in circles so fast and out of control for a year until I finally crashed into a road block clearly marked: BURNOUT. The wheels fell off. There I was, literally crashed out: lying in a pile on my living room floor face down. The exhaustion consumed me until all I could do was sob.
Photo Credit: nicholas_t
When the tears finally stopped, the voice that told me to leave a year before said it again: “it’s time to leave.” But I can’t. The team needs me. How will I pay my bills? I can’t quit during a recession. My cats will be homeless if I leave my job.
My exhausted body gave me no choice, I started to slow down. It was then that I began to see the exit signs more clearly. The more I considered my options, the more possible they became. I was depleted, burnt out, and desperate. I had no clue where I was really going. All I knew was it was finally time for me to exit the roundabout.
With 55 percent of Americans unhappy at work, I know that I was not alone. If you are one of the unhappy workers, I hope you heed the warning signs before you crash into burnout like I did. I’m not saying you need to quit your job. Only you can make that choice. But if there is a voice inside of you saying you need to leave or that you need a break, listen. Maybe it’s time for a change.
It was two years ago this month that I walked out of my cubicle for good. The road since then has had bumps and twists. I’ve taken detours and nearly ran out of gas. But I know I made the right choice for me. Because while I may not make the money or have the title any more, at the end of the day, I am smiling.
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Your post gave me goose bumps! You have a wonderful way with words. I admire your courage to choose your LIFE vs. your JOB. I foresee you inspiring many to heed the warnings, slow down and take their blinders off. Thank you for sharing your gift of writing. I, along with the rest of the world, are eagerly awaiting for more. Big big hugs!
Great, heartfelt story, Patricia! Thanks for sharing! BTW, great article by HBR called “Crisis at the Summit” may resonate with you.
Thank you for sharing your story! Yes, so many people are unhappy at the work they are doing. They stay because it is familiar and is safe and is so much easier to just stay where they are. My hat is off to you; you honored yourself by paying attention to your inner struggle – wow. Yes, you may have crashed but as soon as you caught your breath you were courageous enough to know what you needed to do. I am proud of you!! BRAVO!
Connie
What a COURAGEOUS leap into choosing to live your life on your terms. Beautiful writing, inspiring and honest. Know that you’ve got a friend on your new path and this friend likes to move it and groove it… =)
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